So this is the new year.

7 01 2009

Hit play. Then read.

So here are my NYE Resolutions. Let it be known that I have never made a resolution in my entire life, because I usually feel that it is a waste of time. For some reason that I can’t explain, I feel like 2009 is an appropriate time for my first New Years Eve Resolutions EVER. Whether or not I stick to them is yet to be decided.


1. Read and rock out outside my box

I might not have any specified genres of music or books that I read — I’d like to think of myself as being pretty open-minded — but this year, I’d really like to make an effort to listen to and/or read things that I normally wouldn’t. For example, I’d love to listen to more jazz and blues, and I’d ESPECIALLY love to go to more live shows. Depending on my mood, I listen to anything from mellow jams to loud, angry, guitar riff-filled rock, to metal to layered prog-rock.

dirtonclean whitetiger

Similarly, I will read anything and everything, but might not finish an entire book if I’m not in the mood to do so. The majority of the books I read are fiction based, sometimes dipping into Sci-Fi/Fantasy, but I rarely read non-fiction, despite constantly craving new information and knowledge. I have always had an insatiable appetite for learning, which makes my recent completion of college slightly strange. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t in school, and NOT buying new Gym shoes and pencil crayons and empty notebooks this fall was incredibly eerie and uncomfortable for me. SO I compensated by moving to a new city in an unfamiliar province, where I knew almost no one and would be learning and discovering new things/places/people every single day. So far so good. But, in an effort to read new things that I otherwise wouldn’t consider, I will soon be starting The White Tiger (as chosen by Nikki, my new most-favourite Chapters co-worker, for her Underground Bookclub, that I have recently joined — HOORAY FOR READING AND THEN TALKING ABOUT IT OVER DRINKS! Squee!), and the next book I’ll purchase will almost certainly be The Dirt On Clean, because I think it looks incredibly interesting. Oh and I’ll also be buying The History Of Love, because I’ve been reading it on my breaks and it is UNBELIEVABLY well written. Beautifully worded, so much as to make me feel like my meager, terribly lame blog posts are pathetic and poorly written. Its just..damn. Go read it. Really.

boots krysten layers2

tibby2 tibby3

2. Make a greater effort to overhaul my (lack of) style

One of the greatest things about moving to a city where I know no one is that it gives me a long-awaited chance to reinvent myself. I really REALLY want to totally change my style, and start being more fashionable. I’m so sick of the t-shirt-jeans-converse wardrobe that I’ve been rockin’ for most of my adult life. I am CRAZY for funky layers and bright colours and mixing interesting textures and textured tights and.. boots, ohmigod, I love boots so much. They can MAKE or break an outfit, people. The only trouble is finding ze monies to pay for my new dream wardrobe. Hopefully, I won’t have any more car thefts or major repairs, and will thusly be able to spend my extra cash on new fabulous clothes, but it’ll be slow going. Ideally, I’d love to be able to pack all of my existing clothes into boxes and go and buy an entire NEW wardrobe, but I just don’t have the fundage to be able to do that. Slow and steady wins the race… although quick and expensive would win too.

3. Get into better shape, damnit!


No but really. Chuck Norris and his sexy beard will roundhouse you right in the junk. Or, at the very least, help you improve your posture via the Wii Fit. One of Bryan’s Christmas presents to me this year was a Wii Fit, and it is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever had the honour of experiencing. It KNOWS so much about you, its actually horrifying. “Say, Emily, do you trip over your own feet like an enormous douchebag as you walk around during your day to day life? Yeah? I thought so, because you ARE TERRIBLY UNBALANCED AND PATHETICALLY WEAK. Please do 500 push ups, and YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE that I can tell if you’re doing them properly, because if you aren’t…” *shakes electronic yet menacing WiiFist* This afternoon, the WiiFit suggested that I throw Greg a surprise birthday party, because it KNOWS that his birthday is on Saturday — although it DOESN’T know that Greg will be out of town, and thereby cannot celebrate his birthday in my presence. Take THAT, you wonderful electronic bastard!

All hostility and suspicion aside, the WiiFit is amazing. I’ve been trying to use it for at least 30 minutes a day, and have noticed a huge difference in my posture and weight distribution already. At work, I’ll suddenly realize that my weight is heavily leaning backwards on my heels, and have been making a conscious effort to “be more center-weighted”. The yoga exercises, as well as the aerobic ones are my favourite, but I’ve been trying to do more strength training and balance games, to make up for being cripplingly weak and unbalanced. It really IS a damned good work out. Maybe not as strenuous as you’d get from weight training at a gym, but for someone like me who plays a LOT of video games, and is oftentimes too lazy to leave her house (especially to go WORK OUT with strangers. Leaving the house to drink beer is one thing, but to put on tight shorts and sweat my face off? And PAY for the privilege? No thanks.), the WiiFit is perfect.


4. Be better with ze monies.

I have nothing witty to say for this resolution. It’d just be nice to have money left over at the end of every pay period, instead of having to live check to check. Not that I’m starving to death, or living in an unheated apartment with no furniture or anything, I just… don’t usually have more than $15 to my name for the few days before my payday. It’d be nice to be able to buy groceries (or new clothes!) without having to do impromptu mental budgeting to ensure that a) i’ll have enough money in my account to buy said items and b) i’ll have enough money AFTER buying said items to pay bills or buy other things that are non-negotiable, such as gas for the car, or cat food, or Emily-food. Or beer.

I’m bored and sleepy and sick of thinking of things to resolve to do within the next 360-odd days. Four resolutions is enough. F you guys…

P.S. Bryan’s other Christmas present was this necklace. My parents bought us a slow cooker, a kazoo, an ocarina, and some bacon. Very merry Ho Hos this year…


Probably an innapropriate choice for the classroom

26 11 2008

At Chapters, I have the unfortunate mixture of “Cash” shifts and “Tasking” shifts, which means that some of my shifts will be spent chained to a cash register (“Have you heard about our iRewards program that saves you ten percent off all your book perchases for a year? *eye twinkle/mouth vomit*”) and the rest of my shifts are delegated to completing various tasks. Sometimes I shelve all day (omgyesplz.), sometimes I help with “merchandizing” the gift section, and sometimes I have other mundane responsibilities like “providing stellar customer service to EVERYONE FO-EVA!”. Yesturday, it was a Cash shift.

Halfway though my day, a man came up to my till, handed me his small stack of books and said “I’m a teacher and I’d like to get my 20% discount please.”

This is nothing out of the ordinary, we get teachers wanting a discount all the time, which isn’t a big deal, as long as they’re purchasing books for use within their classroom. So I started on my routine spiel… “Okay sure, I just need to see your teachers certificate and a piece of photo ID while I –”

And that’s when I noticed the books he was buying.

“Sir, you can only use your teacher’s discount on books that are for use in the classroom, and follow curriculum guidelines.”

“Yes, I know, these are for the classroom.”

I glanced down at the books in front of me and, understandably, had a hard time believing that he was telling the truth. He had chosen a Barbie Sticker Activity Book, a Kurt Cobain biography and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

These books?”

“Yes, why?”

“Uh, I’m going to have to get my supervisor to approve the discount. I don’t have the authority to change prices…” This sounds like a lie, but its quite true. Since starting at Chapters, I was somewhat demoted from my position of authority at Coles. While at Coles, I was what is now called an ACEM, which is the position immediately below the Assistant Manager. I had ALL the codes and passwords and authority to do whatever needed doing — price modify, no sales, voids, refunds, etc. Now? I have nothing.

So I walked over to the Cash office, and explained the situation to the COD (cash supervisor). “Chay, I have a customer who wants to use his teachers discount on a Barbie sticker book, a Kurt Cobain bio, and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.”

Chay looked up and said “You’re kidding. Isn’t Snuff… -”

“…- the book written about a porn star who’s final performance is a gang bang featuring her and 600 men? Yeah, it sure is.”

Chay shook her head, and followed me back to my till. “Sir,” she began, “We can only give a teachers discount for books that are going to be used in the classroom.” And then, after seeing his valid teachers certificate, to try to catch him in his lie, she asked “What age are the children in your class?”

“Oh its a split level program. The students wrote me a list of books that they would be interested in reading, and this is it. I figure hell, if they’re willing to read something, it doesn’t matter what the book is about, as long as they’re gonna read I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Right,” Chay said, having trouble masking her disbelief. “But do you really think a Kurt Cobain biography and Snuff are appropriate choices?”

I chimed in with “Are you aware of what Snuff is about?”

The man shrugged and said “Not really, but it doesn’t matter, as long as they’re interested and willing to read, it will further their education and greatly improve their reading skills.”

“O…kay.” Chay said. “I have a hard time believing that any school board’s mandated curriculum would approve Snuff as an appropriate book for use in the classroom, but unfortunately, I have no way to prove whether or not you’re telling the truth. I’ll give you the discount this time, because I have to follow store policies, but I strongly feel that these books are wildly innapropriate for anyone who is learning to read, mixed level classroom or not.”

So the teacher got his discount on what I hope to GOD are Christmas presents and not books for his students. Short of books found in the erotica or sexuality section, I can’t fathom a MORE inappropriate book for the classroom than Snuff. On Amazon’s description of the book, one can clearly see that “Chuck Palahniuk’s latest novel is an X-rated story suitable for adults only”. Why is it that Christmas always brings out the crazies, the cheapskates and the blatant liars?