Some kind of special moustache?

9 11 2008

This video fills me with delight. And to keep from being labeled a “political blogger”, I’m going to say much about the recent election results. I’ll leave it at THANKFUCKINGGOD. I’m very relieved that our neighbours to the south didn’t fuck things up — again. I read somewhere online that there are a handful of people who are quite upset about Obama’s win, and are convinced he is going to make things worse. HOW MUCH WORSE COULD IT POSSIBLY GET?!
Ahem. On another note, I’d like to share a few of the mindbogglingly idiotic customer questions and queries I have been asked within the first week of my new job at Chapters.

– “I’m looking for a cookbook, but all I can remember is that it has a picture of food on the cover, and the word Cuisine in the title — do you have it?”

– “Do you have one of those Amazon Kindle thingies?” No, sir, they’re sold by AMAZON.

– “Since you don’t have the book I want in stock, could you just quickly check McNally Robinson’s inventory?” Uh, no, I don’t have access to their system because we are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COMPANIES.

– “Do you have that John Grisham one in hardcover?” Which.. one? “You know, the one! The John Grisham one!”

– “Have you read this?” / “Is this one any good?” You mean that randomly chosen book which is one of the THOUSANDS if not MILLIONS of books we have in the store? Yep.

– “How much is this?” The price is printed on the back cover. “No, it isn’t, I looked EVERYWHERE! It isn’t priced!” Bottom right corner. $18.95. “Oh. Well, the other copy I checked wasn’t priced, you know..” Right.

– “I’m looking for a romance novel my cousin has, she said she bought it here.” Super, whats the title? “Oh I don’t know the title, I know that there is a woman with a big poofy dress on the front, and that she’s standing beside this hunky muscle man with no shirt on…” That.. doesn’t narrow it down at all. Literally every romance novel cover has a slight variation on that very scene. In this one, for example, the hunky muscle man has an eye patch, and the woman is holding a parrot. “I think the man has green eyes” Uh.. okay… but see, I can’t actually search the database based on a description of the wardrobe or eye colour of the people on the cover… “Really? Wow, you should probably be able to do that, it would be very helpful.” You know what would be helpful? TAKE FOUR SECONDS TO WRITE DOWN THE FUCKING TITLE NEXT TIME.

– “I’m looking for a book…..” (after waiting for more details, and only getting a vacant stare, I usually grab closest book off shelf) Is this it? “Uh, no, this isn’t it.” Oh, it isnt’? DO YOU MAYBE WANT TO TELL ME THE FEW VAGUE DETAILS YOU DO KNOW ABOUT THE BOOK? Like the colour of the cover? Or whether or not the author has a moustache? IS THERE A NUMBER IN THE TITLE? (All of which have been details I’ve been given, when I’ve asked people which book they were looking for. “Oh I don’t know the title, but the author has a very smart looking beard. Do you know the book I mean?”)

My mom (who owned her own bookstore while I was growing up, and now works for the same company I do — Chapters/Indigo/Coles) and I joke about how convenient it would be if our stores were organized by colour instead of my topic. Like the amazing art project, There Is Nothing Wrong In This Whole Wide World, that happened in San Fransisco a few years ago. The artist, Chris Cobbs, rearranged the inventory of a local bookstore entirely by spine colour. I had my dvds arranged the same way, in my old Thunder Bay apartment, and would have them that way again if I had a big enough bookcase for them. Although, I bet if bookstores WERE arranged that way, customers would start coming in knowing the author, the title, and the ISBN, but with NO idea what hue the cover might be….






4 responses

9 11 2008

1) I totally remember books by spine color and would do this to my own bookshelves, but Dominic likes the hodge podge, jumble look. He doesn’t like that I have them organized at all.
2) Yay for Obama! Boo for the naysayers. Apparently there has been a rash of tire slashing on campus to cars that have Obama stickers. Super concervatives think Obama is a socialist, but I think they are getting it confused with communism. Not that he is either, but really, why is socialism a bad thing? Communism isn’t really a bad thing either, it is usually the execution of these governmental ideals that is the fucked up part.
3) Your stupid ass costumer questions reminded me of how this guy, totally upset that we did not accept the college ID card (on which you can credit money to use in the dining halls), whips out his credit card, accidentally throwing the contents of his wallet at me. I get hit in the chest and look to the counter to find a condom. I made no comment about it to him, but have told almost everyone I know since.

9 11 2008

Welcome back to the awesome world of the retail book business.
Things you will learn:

– People are idiots (this includes customers, and management).

– Half of what people put in print is total bullshit, or a complete waste of time (ei. Nora Roberts, Danielle Steel, Dr. Phil, etc.)

9 11 2008

Learn, Greg? Things I will LEARN?! PFFFFFT. I had QUIT my earlier job in this company before you even GOT yours. I remember you as a young girl, saying “Gee Emily, I really love working on the floor. I don’t think I’d like recieving aaat all! Yuck!” and I cackled and said OH YOU’LL SEE, LITTLE ONE, OHH HOW YOU’LL SEE..

And here we are. You see?

10 11 2008


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