Lookin’ for some hot chicks?

23 06 2008

My dad sure is. He is recently retired and has decided that he wants to raise chickens. Seriously. In a coop in the yard. I’m not sure where this stroke of genius stemmed from, but I came home from Bryan’s one day and found this on our fridge.

See it? Right there above the oh-so-adorable baby picture of me (I threw a fit until my parents would let me “help” roll out the linoleum when we first moved into the house. I was 2 and VERY helpful.

Yes. That says “Poultry Pin-ups” at the top. Prominently featured are twelve different breeds of chickens, any of which may be available for my dad’s chicken-raising needs. I guess he’s checking out different breeds (making chicken pro and chicken con lists) to figure out which one he’s going to get. A few days ago, my mom was making dinner while my brother and I annoyed her, and we got to talking about the chickens. I suggested that my dad just get one of each, and do a Big Brother: In Da Coop’ sort of thing… just let them battle it out to see who is the winner. When there is only one chicken left standing, give him a high five and a million dollars shit-tonne of bird seed, and buy some sexy lady chickens for him to do business with.

This is the chicken that my brother wants Dad to get. I hope to god this is NOT the breed he chooses, because this chicken scares the living hell out of me. Look at its terrifiying little beady eyes! This is a murderous chicken if I’ve ever seen one. I told Dave that if Dad got the murder-chicken, I hope that he wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of feathers rustling and a quiet ominous clucking. And then, when he turns on the light to see whats what, BAM Murderous-Chicken Attack!

My mom wants this chicken because she thinks its cute. I’m a little freaked out by this chicken too, because it doesn’t look like any chicken I’ve ever seen before in my life. Apparently I’m a chump for thinking that all chickens were white with funny yellow feet and red blobby neck hang-y things.

I like this chicken! It has a classic chicken face and red blobby neck hang-y thing, and classic yellow chicken feet. PLUS its fluffy but not TOO TOO fluffy like my mom’s chicken. It doesn’t have squinty evil eyes, or fur-feathers on its feet, and probably wouldn’t murder you in your sleep. Grey fluffy chicken for the win!

PS. I’ve officially gotten the time off work to go to Bryan’s family’s annual family reunion. This means I’ll be flying to Toronto (SEAT SALE $114 FUCK YES) then somehow getting to Blenheim, Ontario (makes Thunder Bay look like a roaring metropolis) at which point I’ll meet his entire family. All in one fell swoop. From what I gather, its five days of drinking and eating and playing cliche outdoor sports/games (bocce ball? croquet? …tv tag?) while staying in one of “a bunch of cabins” that are rented each year. This is SERIOUS family time, children. There have been three, maybe four occasions in the past 15 years in which my extended family (on my mom’s side) have all been together in one place, and the Burns’ do this EVERY SUMMER. In cottage-country. Whoa.

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