Classic Greg vs Emily

23 05 2008

****** MAY INCLUDE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL SPOILERS ********

[Leaving Indiana Jones Premiere]

Greg/Bryan: (*$&$)!!!RUW*E(!!!! That was the GREATEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN. I want to DO Steven Speilburg! And Harrison Ford! And Cate Blanchett, even though she was angry and Russian! I LOOOOOVE INDY!

Me: EHh, it was okay.

Greg: Whaaat how can you even SAY that?!

Me: It was mindlessly entertaining. Lots of action, not a lot of logic. When you sit and actually think about things, there were a lot of gaps in the story, or points that didn’t really make sense. Like, “Don’t worry about the big ones, its the little ones that you need to speak up about.. chortle chortle chortle” Fuck off, George Lucas, what do you know about scorpions. Pretty sure ANY scorpion sting wouldn’t be high-five worthy. Stick to Jedis, man. And yeah, sure, toss some Aliens in there. Why not, right? If the story doesn’t make sence in some way, add an alien or two and the audiences will be all “oh, sure, aliens, explains everything, cool…”

Greg: You wanna talk about gaps in the story? Or things that don’t make sence? Fucking HARRY POTTER.

Me: Yeahhh maybe you should READ THE BOOKS like I told you to TWO YEARS AGO. Then, as I’ve mentioned previously, things would make HELLUVA lot more sence.

Greg: Oh, right, because [singsong voice] magic is soooo totally real

Bryan: You two arguing is getting me fully erect. Please, really, don’t stop, theres a very good chance that I’ll get off. Keep arguing. Yeahhhhh…

Me: But..I..didn’t say magic was real? What the hell are you even.. ugh whatever, Greg. The Harry Potter movies are rad, you fucking like them too. They’re BASED ON BOOKS, so clearly, there’ll be movie references to things in the book, that make a million times more sence for people who have READ THEM. Is Indiana Jones based on a book that I can read to fully understand the gaps in storyline? NO.

Greg: Uhhhh actually –

Me: Those are spin-off books, Greg. I worked in a bookstore just like you do, I know there are 400 000 Indiana Jones books. The books are BASED on the CHARACTER depicted in the movie.

Greg: Well how do you know, have you ever actually rea-

Me: Because I’m not retarded, Greg. Thats how I know.

Bryan: Ooh yeah that was a good one. Don’t stop, I’m getting closer. I loooove listening to you two argue all the time. Mmm…

Greg: Well.. fuck. Whatever. I’d like to see you make a better movie than Steven Speilburg and George Lucas.

Me: But.. I didn’t.. claim to be able to? Nor do I ever want to? I barely wanted to make my thesis film this year, let alone make another one, a REAL one. Fuck that noise. Just because I don’t have a raging hard on for mindless action movies like you two do, and just because I happen to be criticizing one made by two of the richest/most powerful men in the industry, doesn’t mean that I think I can do better. Good comeback attempt, though.

Greg: Fucking.. whatever. I don’t even care.

Emily: Uh huh. Whatever. Whaaaaatever. Get better arguing techniques.

Greg: …. … … [sulking]

Bryan: Oh come on now! Don’t stop! I just..I was almost… can we go get drunk now?

Greg/Me: Word.

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2 responses

23 05 2008
greg2point0

Indiana Jones kicks ass, and if you weren’t a girl he’d punch you right in the nose for speaking such blasphemy!

26 05 2008
Linake

It’s like I was THERE!

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