Updated Most Funtastic Thing Thing To Happen Ever.

My Civic will not shift into first or second gear. The clutch offers zero resistance when you push against it, and sticks in the “floored” position for a few seconds before popping back. The worst case scenario here is that the transmission is pooched, in which case we will be parking the car until we can sell it for parts, because a NEW transmission is $4000. A new “used” transmission is upwards of $1500, which is about $1450 more than I have at the time of this blog post. Bryan and I reacted to the current transportation situation by arranging for a rental car for the next few days, and then drinking 3/4 of a bottle of red wine (me) and 1/2 a bottle of vodka, in Caesar form (him).

On a happier note, here is a picture of my car with a mustache, which was entirely created by nature, and in no way shaped by my teeny hands. Swear to god. I was actually late for work because I felt compelled to snap pictures of it with my Jack.

Blah Blah

I haven’t really had a whole lot to blog about lately. The past few weeks have been a monotony of work, work, Nip/Tuck, work, work, BSG, work, Christmas shopping, work. I am surprisingly satisfied with the christmas presents I bought, which were few. One of the best things about moving to a new city is the fact that there are all of three, maybe four people I like enough to buy Christmas presents for. And being a recent college graduate, I certainly can’t afford to pay for shipping to send presents to all the people back home that I DO still like. So everyone is getting pop-up (!!!) christmas cards instead. Anyhow, I think (and hope) that the handful people I bought presents for like them. And if they don’t, pfffft, whatever. I’ll keep them for myself, to hell with them.
We got our new car stereo and it is breathtaking. It’s homeland is wherever Mama Alpine lives, but its adapting quite nicely to the bone-chilling prairie winds, much like myself. The stereo complains less, however. Next on my list of Major Car Investments are new tires. Or possibly something transmission related, because mine is making a few grumbling, groaning sounds. Cue my financial panic.
I’ve been reading out of my box lately. Some of my favourite people at Chapters (who are obviously the sarcastic, jaded comic book/movie geeks) suggested I check out George R. R. Martin’s FIRE & ICE Series. I’ve had a handful of co-workers notice me reading A Game Of Thrones on lunch breaks, and they’ve all gushed and raved and said how much they love it, and all the characters, and the plot twists and blah blah blah. I’ve only dabbled in the Sci-Fi/Fantasy section, read things here and there but nothing major… until now. I am MAJORLY into these books. I just finished the first book, and am thrilled with my own foresight, as I bought the second book with my last paycheck. There is NOTHING worse than finishing a book or watching the last episode of a tv show and not having the follow up book/episode ready to go immediately thereafter.
I’ve been lounging around all night (I left work at 8) and I feel like I’ve totally wasted my time off. I definitely had laundry and dishes and other chores to do, and I was thinking about badassifying my resume to apply for internships slash entry level positions at tv or radio stations. And, failing that, a part time waitressing gig to put a few more pennies in my consantly empty pockets. And what did I do with my night off? Watched Gilmore Girls. Drank beer. Played Katamari. I fail at productivity.

UPDATE — 21/12/08

I forgot to mention the Most Awesome Fun-Tastic thing that has ever happened to me! In the middle of last week, our bathtub stopped draining, which we discovered after Bryan had a shower and the tub was 3/4 filled with soapy water. So I made the trek to Home Depot, which is obviously every woman’s favourite store in the world (they don’t sell shoes, or hair accessories, and it is IMPOSSIBLE to find ANYTHING without your own goddamned sherpa guide! Mine was named Hank.) and picked up an industrial sized jug of Liquid PlumbR, which promised it would work “despite any standing water”. As soon as I got home, I dumped half the bottle in and waited patiently for something to happen. Nada. Not even a few bubbles. And definitely no water draining, as was promised by the cartoon plumbR on the front. So I went out for early afternoon beers with Reed, came back a few hours later, and dumped the remaining PlumR into the mix, and was pleasantly unsurprised when NOTHING HAPPENED. So, being totally fed up and totally smelly by this point, I emailed my landlords and went to Greg’s to have a shower. Because Greg lives in a MAN-HOUSE, he obviously had zero clean towels and no face moisturizer, but he made up for it by making fondue and having ample supplies of white wine.

The next morning, I woke up to someone knocking on the door quite insistantly. At first, I thought it was Bryan coming to tell me that he forgot his keys or someone had stolen our stereo or front axel or something, but when I opened the door, it was my landlord, who looked quite stressed.

“Hey,” she said, “Does your heat work?”

“Uh, no, not so much. I was going to ask you about that when you came to unclog the tub”

“I don’t think your tub is clogged as much as it’s attached to a system of totally frozen pipes. Thats why the heat isn’t working too. The rads are frozen.”

“…….Oh. Hense it being -45 in here?”

“Yep.”

So she scooped all the water out of the bathtub and into the sink, and filled the tup with scalding hot water to thaw the pipes, which was a complete success. But because it was SO unbelievably cold in the apartment (basically the same as the temperature outside, but without the fierce prairie winds), Lucy and I snuggled under the covers and stayed in bed until I had to leave for work. By the time I got home, the pipes had been thawed, and the apartment was warmer than it has ever been. Thank GOD.

Welcome to Winnipeg, Thanks For The Stereo.

Today, we woke up to discover that at some point between 4am and 10am, someone broke into our car and completely removed the stereo. The entire CD deck is gone, along with our iPod dock and Bryan’s Blackberry, which slipped out of his pocket when we got home from the Academy. Our cd player did not have a removable face plate, so I’ve been expecting something like this for a while now.

Whoever did it must have been a pro. The car was locked (I obsessively lock the car doors every time I get out of the car), and the locks were picked without damaging the car in any way. The stereo was carefully unscrewed and the wires were gently disconnected, instead of being wrenched out in a hurry. The glove compartment was left wide open, with the contents strewn across the front seat.

The upside? Dude didn’t smash any windows, slash the tires, or damage the car in any way… aside from stealing the key to my car ride happiness. He didn’t take the car itself (although technically, he couldn’t have, thanks to the IMMOBILIZER) and it still runs perfectly, just slightly less… musically.

The stereo is covered under the car insurance policy, which is fantastic, so we’ll be able to get a new deck installed (WITH A REMOVABLE FACEPLATE) within a week or so. This is going to be the longest week of my life.

Welcome to Winnipeg.

*****UPDATE*****

After filing a police report, and making a claim with the insurance company, I’m told that I will have to pay the deductable ($200) and then, if the deck is worth more than that, the insurance company will pay the rest. Unfortunately, because I bought the car (gently) used from Craig, I have no recipt or proof of what was paid for the deck. I have an appointment to go have the car appraised by an insurance dude, who will somehow figure out how much my lack of stereo is worth. I’m hoping his answer is “Well, shits, that was one pricey stereo. I figure we can give you an extra $300 to spend after you cover the deductible, yoz”. But I’d settle for “This stereo is worth more than $200, we’ll cover the rest”. On a happier note, I’m kinda excited to buy a new cd player, preferably one with a detachable face plate and iPod hook ups. I’ve only been stereo-less for a day, and its basically killing my soul and will to live. Driving without music suckssssss.

I wish I could play the violin.

(Please press play on the embedded video. Its just music playing to a random picture, not a real video or anything, but at least you have something to listen to while you read. Good luck getting the plucky violin out of your head.)

Earlier this year, I had a mild musical love affair with Final Fantasy. For a few weeks, my iPod and ears knew of nothing else, thanks to songs like this one. I vividly remember walking to Baked Expectations (back when I still worked there and didn’t hate the owner) on a cliche fall morning, listening to This Is The Dream Of Win & Regine. It was the first day that was cool enough to warrant a sweater, and I was so excited to be able to unpack all of my scarves and gloves and other winter paraphernalia that I broke out a pair of fingerless gloves to wear too. This song reminds me of fall leaves and fingerless gloves and clove cigarettes. It was recently brought back to my attention via a recent Genius playlist (I canNOT rave enough about how much I love Genius playlists. One of the best mixes I’ve ever heard stemmed from Take Me to the Riot by Stars) and with that, it returned to it’s proper place in my eardrums. And brain, because after listening to it once, it gets stuck in my head for days.

Probably an innapropriate choice for the classroom

At Chapters, I have the unfortunate mixture of “Cash” shifts and “Tasking” shifts, which means that some of my shifts will be spent chained to a cash register (“Have you heard about our iRewards program that saves you ten percent off all your book perchases for a year? *eye twinkle/mouth vomit*”) and the rest of my shifts are delegated to completing various tasks. Sometimes I shelve all day (omgyesplz.), sometimes I help with “merchandizing” the gift section, and sometimes I have other mundane responsibilities like “providing stellar customer service to EVERYONE FO-EVA!”. Yesturday, it was a Cash shift.

Halfway though my day, a man came up to my till, handed me his small stack of books and said “I’m a teacher and I’d like to get my 20% discount please.”

This is nothing out of the ordinary, we get teachers wanting a discount all the time, which isn’t a big deal, as long as they’re purchasing books for use within their classroom. So I started on my routine spiel… “Okay sure, I just need to see your teachers certificate and a piece of photo ID while I –”

And that’s when I noticed the books he was buying.

“Sir, you can only use your teacher’s discount on books that are for use in the classroom, and follow curriculum guidelines.”

“Yes, I know, these are for the classroom.”

I glanced down at the books in front of me and, understandably, had a hard time believing that he was telling the truth. He had chosen a Barbie Sticker Activity Book, a Kurt Cobain biography and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

“These books?”

“Yes, why?”

“Uh, I’m going to have to get my supervisor to approve the discount. I don’t have the authority to change prices…” This sounds like a lie, but its quite true. Since starting at Chapters, I was somewhat demoted from my position of authority at Coles. While at Coles, I was what is now called an ACEM, which is the position immediately below the Assistant Manager. I had ALL the codes and passwords and authority to do whatever needed doing — price modify, no sales, voids, refunds, etc. Now? I have nothing.

So I walked over to the Cash office, and explained the situation to the COD (cash supervisor). “Chay, I have a customer who wants to use his teachers discount on a Barbie sticker book, a Kurt Cobain bio, and Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.”

Chay looked up and said “You’re kidding. Isn’t Snuff… -”

“…- the book written about a porn star who’s final performance is a gang bang featuring her and 600 men? Yeah, it sure is.”

Chay shook her head, and followed me back to my till. “Sir,” she began, “We can only give a teachers discount for books that are going to be used in the classroom.” And then, after seeing his valid teachers certificate, to try to catch him in his lie, she asked “What age are the children in your class?”

“Oh its a split level program. The students wrote me a list of books that they would be interested in reading, and this is it. I figure hell, if they’re willing to read something, it doesn’t matter what the book is about, as long as they’re gonna read I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“Right,” Chay said, having trouble masking her disbelief. “But do you really think a Kurt Cobain biography and Snuff are appropriate choices?”

I chimed in with “Are you aware of what Snuff is about?”

The man shrugged and said “Not really, but it doesn’t matter, as long as they’re interested and willing to read, it will further their education and greatly improve their reading skills.”

“O…kay.” Chay said. “I have a hard time believing that any school board’s mandated curriculum would approve Snuff as an appropriate book for use in the classroom, but unfortunately, I have no way to prove whether or not you’re telling the truth. I’ll give you the discount this time, because I have to follow store policies, but I strongly feel that these books are wildly innapropriate for anyone who is learning to read, mixed level classroom or not.”

So the teacher got his discount on what I hope to GOD are Christmas presents and not books for his students. Short of books found in the erotica or sexuality section, I can’t fathom a MORE inappropriate book for the classroom than Snuff. On Amazon’s description of the book, one can clearly see that “Chuck Palahniuk’s latest novel is an X-rated story suitable for adults only”. Why is it that Christmas always brings out the crazies, the cheapskates and the blatant liars?